I'm thinking a lot about giving and receiving. Reciprocity is one of my values, which for me means both giving and receiving with some sort of balance. Like most people, it's much harder for me to receive than to give. It's vulnerable to say this and there have been times in my life when it felt like my belonging in a group was contingent on me being useful. I've done a lot of work on my self esteem and self worth to mostly give freely, abundantly and with a sense of joy, instead of being driven by fear of not belonging.
In Japanese culture (like many Asian cultures) there is a careful accounting of giving and receiving to keep things in balance. By giving a gift, you're essentially creating a debt with the other person, who is obligated to remember the gift and return it. So, giving an over-the-top gift creates obligation with the other person. If you know these rules it's really clear, but I also find it exhausting.
As part of Seasons of Change, a seasonal group coaching program, we explored the idea of abundance and sharing that with someone in the group by giving a gift. the participants are spread out across the US, Canada and Europe and people have joined the calls from their travels to India, Taiwan and Thailand, so most of the gift giving were things that are not physical stuff. People gave music (both playlists and a bit of a new song that someone wrote and sang), recipes, their time through body doubling and other things.
I have an abundance of zippered pouches, made from cute Japanese fabric, from one of my favourite vendors at a festival I attend every year. I have a lot of vintage buttons from both my Gran's and Grandma's sewing notions. I carefully picked out the right buttons to send to each person, picked the right zippered pouch and packed them up to mail. I wasn't anticipating the added layers of forms with the trade war between the US and Canada. It wasn't worth the time or money to figure out the paperwork and pay tariffs.
I almost gave up but then remembered Beam Paints ships from within Canada and within the US. They make really special watercolours and it's an Indigenous woman-owned business. I met the owner and she's an incredible leader. It felt good to support her business while sending a few people gifts I thought they would love.
What small businesses do you like to buy gifts from?
Finally, I'm putting together a special gift for my mom for Christmas. (If you're related to me and reading this, please keep this a secret.) We're not really a gift-giving family, especially not at Christmas. My parents would do really cute stocking stuffers for each other, with a mandarin orange in the toe. My dad died this summer and it'll be my mom's first Christmas without him.
The best gift I gave my parents was an advent calendar from The Spice Trader in Toronto. It comes with 24 boxes with a spice, spice blend or fancy ingredient inside and a riddle, poem or haiku to read so you can guess what's inside. My dad loved to cook and he loved puzzles and puns, so this was a hit. We talked everyday about what was in the box the previous day and how he was going to use it.
I put together a 12-day advent calendar for my mom with stuff she can't get where she lives but I can at the Japanese grocery store. I put in a few other surprises too. I know she'll love all of the things inside and I hope that receiving a big box with twelve wrapped mysteries will be fun for her.
What would be your dream present to receive?
Coaching
I wrapped up coaching engagements with 4 different clients. It was an honour to walk with them during courageous transitions.
Here's what Sherry had to say about working with me:
Generally I work with people for 3 or 6 month periods of time. However, I've been experimenting with offering one-off 30 minute coaching sessions. I want to serve people and I know that many of us are short on time and money right now.
I'm offering 8 of these sessions in November, there are 4 2 left. Each session is 30 minutes and costs $20.
Uncompete
I'm a huge fan of Ruchika T. Malhotra's work. This TEDx talk is connected to her latest book, Uncompete: Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success. I see Ruchika live this value of uncompete by generously lifting up other women's ideas and work.
The story she shares at the beginning about a sharp tongued South Asian auntie sparked a conversation with a South Asian friend who then shared her notes doc of backhanded compliments she's received from aunties.
Ruchika asks two powerful questions:
- What is your internal measure of success?
- What do you really want?
These are worthwhile questions many of my clients (and me) are asking ourselves.
The Assembly
The Assembly is a show where autistic and neurodivergent people interview famous people. It is in its second season on CBC, with episodes with actor Hudson Williams and hockey legend Marie-Philip Poulin.
I love this clip because they both allow themselves to be moved by each other. They're really different people and there's something really human about this. Also: I've never seen an autistic person, wearing ear defenders and using text-to-speech assistive technology, interviewing someone in mainstream media. More Damon!
Threads of the Wild Shadow oracle deck
Shawn Carney is a transitions coach and death care worker. I got to see various iterations of this oracle deck as they refined it. It's a special deck that will be available soon in physical form.
They created a site where you can pull cards digitally. They write about their fear being open about how they used AI in the process. Shawn is both a technologist and an artist. They are deeply ethical and trustworthy so I appreciate their vulnerability in sharing their process.
This card keeps coming up for me and there's a deep resonance.
Other ways to work with me
- 1:1 coaching — 3 or 6 month packages. Your workplace might have professional development funds you can use, or you might ask your manager to invest in you.
- Team offsites — I design and facilitate in-person experiences for teams. I love especially love facilitating beginnings and endings. I'm actively looking to do more of this, especially in person. Reply with the basics (who, what, when) and let's talk.
- Speaking — keynotes, panels, fireside chats. I'm a strong interviewer if you need someone to draw out a great conversation.
- Inclusion consulting — strategy, thought partnership, and culture work for organizations building high-performance inclusive workplaces. Reach out here.
|
|
